What is an act of random kindness? Paying for someone's meal. Lending someone an ear to vent. Giving a walking person a ride. Telling a mom she's doing a great job even if you don't know them. All of these are great acts of kindness.
I'm sitting at McDonald's feeling so good because a woman I've never met before told me I'm a good mom. She sees me walking all the time no matter the weather to get groceries for my family.
I juggle my kids, wrestle them into clothes make sure they are dressed for the weather. I wear a hideous oversized coat so my little one, who is getting to heavy to carry but I still do, is warm in there with me. My daughter hates that she's wearing thermals leggings and jeans, but she stops complaining when she realizes though she's hot inside the house once we are outside it is cold. Her scarf gets taken off by the wind and I give her mine stuff the now snow covered one in my purse. My face stings from the wind but I won't let it touch my baby's face as I keep my head gently pressed on the top of his. I take my gloves off to slip over my daughter's because she says her hands are still cold.
All this for a 5 minute walk to the store because the fridge is empty and I just got paid. Unexpected bills made me short this month and we barely made it to pay day. Dad is at work and won't be home until late too late for me to walk by myself, (not the dark it would be too cold then) we had to get those groceries to hold us over until the dad's next day off when we can hop in the car and we can do the real grocery shopping.
All this time I'm silently crying thinking people are judging me. I know they think I'm a bad mom walking in the cold with my kids. But I can't drive and if I could I don't have access to a vehicle when my husband is at work. I have no sitter. I have no choice either we don't eat for a night or we make that 5 minutes cold walk to get the 3 bags of groceries we need.
To heard that woman at McDonald's say she saw that and thinks I'm a good mom, is such a relief. She has no idea how much that means to me. She doesn't know the internal struggle I go through think everyone thinks bad of me. To know that she see a strong, good mom it means the world to me. Someone knows I'm doing my best and told me so. It feels so good.
My husband tells me all the time he thinks I'm a good mom and a good wife. But I don't always feel like it's true. I feel like a fraud. I put up this tough mom act and cry silently when everyone is snoring. I always feel like I'm not doing enough. To hear a complete stranger tell me I'm doing a good job based on what I thought looked like a bad job, has me crying a different set of tears. I'm not crying out of self judgement or resenting my failures. I'm crying out of relief, I am doing my best and it shows.
My pants have holes, my favorite bra is trying to stab my heart from the years of wear. But my kids have brand new shoes and eating their happy meals. They don't know what I sacrificed, when they have their own kids they will know. I understand now why my mom never ordered anything for herself when we went to Burger King as kids. I understand why she sat late at night sewing up the tear in her work pants, when she thought I was asleep. I thought then "why doesn't she just buy new pants?" as I didn't think about the new sneakers she buy me that day.
My little brother understood this at a younger age than I did. I didn't understand until I was working age and was working to help pay bills in-between the university classes I scheduled around work. I found out he knew when I picked up his shoes one day and noticed there was a huge hole in the bottom. My mom had moved to a different city because it was the only place that would hired her since she never finished high school. She would have noticed sooner. I cried that day I had been so selfish and here was my brother hurting his feet because he didn't want to be a burden. My older brother yelled at him for it. I'm sure he was more upset with himself for not noticing sooner. Walmart was 24 hour store so they drove down at 11pm to get the new shoes before school the next day.
This woman at McDonald's doesn't know any of this but those words "you're a great mom" hold so much meaning for me. All my struggle, my pain, all my dear, vanish for those few second. Seeing my kids smiling as they play with the new friend they met today makes me so happy. The tension I had in my shoulders when I walked in because I was frustrated with Amazon getting my order wrong is gone. That little, tiny, seemingly insignificant moment, had so much power and true meaning that she might never know.
Occasionally, when is cold or raining and I have no choice but to walk, someone will stop and offer us a ride. Sometime someone will pay for our meals. We try to be the ones doing those things when we get an unexpected bonus, but none of those things meant as much to me as hearing those 4 words.
Thank you who ever you were I'm sorry I didn't catch your name but I hope you felt the gratitude.
